I introduce to you the Donald Trump Orange Monkey, a variation of the Monkey Gland served in a small glass to make your hands look big. It is intoxicating enough to make everyone around you believe you’re making sense but will leave you full of regret in the morning. And the Hillary Clinton Americana, an updated version of the classic Americano that is still full of patriotism but now inclusive of women. It’s strong, bitter, gets the job done and served in a short glass.

How to make the Donald Trump Orange Monkey

Ingredients:

1 3/4  oz Gin

1/4 oz Absinthe

Orange juice

Splash of Grenadine

Orange slice for garnish

Instructions:

Combine the Gin, Absinthe, Orange Juice and Grenadine in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well. Strain into a chilled sour glass (short champagne flute) and add the orange slice as garnish.

Don’t share with anyone, if they get close to your drink build a wall of pillows around you and call security.

How to make the Hillary Clinton Americana

Ingredients:

1 oz Campari

1 oz Vermouth

Sprite

Instructions:

Fill a short cocktail glass with ice. Shake the equal parts Campari and Vermouth together in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain and pour over ice, add Sprite to fill the glass.

Next, ensure everyone has the perfect drink of their choice, don’t be afraid to micromanage, and be sure to stop anyone who is drinking more than their fair share. When finished make sure to break the glass!

Now sit back and enjoy the next few months as the election starts to really heat up. You’ll be all set for any debate viewing parties with these cocktails.

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