4 Types of Drunks Defined

Drunk is drunk. It’s science really. You might think your drunk identity is vastly different than your friend’s drunk alter-ego, but according to science there are truly only four types of drunks. Understanding your drunk self might give you a better insight into how to prepare for a long night of drinking, or perhaps advise you to avoid that long night of drinking… Typically, the four types of drunks have been defined in terms of your favorite fictional characters; the Nutty Professor and Mary Poppins included, but here’s what we think the drunk version of our beloved BRN clients would be.

The Google (Ernest Hemingway)

Science might call this type of drunk the Ernest Hemingway, but we call them the Google. Hemingway once said, he could “drink any amount of whiskey without getting drunk”. This pretty much sums up our beloved Google. Like this type of drunk, no matter how many drinks you consume, you maintain composure. Google consumes all of our crazy searches on a daily basis and still maintains the same, reliable Google that we know and love.

The Thrillist (Mr. Hyde)

The Mr. Hyde is Dr. Jekyll’s dark side. They are typically the angry drunk and less responsible; basically, a complete alter ego of their non-drunk self. We love Thrillist, but we can see right through to their secret dark side. Be mindful of what you read, because it could have a hidden, darker meaning.

The Warby Parker (Mary Poppins)

If Mary Poppins is one thing, it’s sweet. This type of drunk is kind, agreeable, and the least likely to sir up any trouble. Just like Warby Parker, your favorite eyeglass company, there’s nothing devious behind those lenses, just an honest way to make it easier for the world to see and be seen. If you’re a Warby Parker drunk, people will most likely enjoy being around you too.

The Facebook- Nutty Professor

We all know that Facebook might seem quiet and innocent on the outside, but once you dive in, there’s a hidden personality in there. Typically it’s loud, slightly rude, and definitely silly- sounds like Facebook right? Unlike the Mr. Hyde, this drunk isn’t necessarily mean or angry, just might be a little hard to control; like those Facebook ads we all love.